Paper Confession
by HettyBobcat
Summary: During some playful prodding, Rod admits he's not actively dating because he's holding out for a particular person but that he doesn't know how to say it. Nicky gets it in his head he's going to confess on Rod's behalf. RodxNicky
1. Chapter 1

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 1~**

"And so we just stopped for coffee." Rod said. The intention was to perhaps impress his roommate or insight some jealousy, but that seemed to fly right over Nicky's head as he smiled and nodded, enjoying the conversation, merely taking it at face value. The red-haired banker suppressed his urge to grimace in disappointment. Nicky took a noisy swig of his beer, the cold liquid making a rich "kathug" sound within the narrow neck of the brown glass bottle. Nicky had already removed the label, having wadded it up on the table. Rod was idly smoothing the creases out, folding the trash neatly as he conversed with his best friend.

"So, do you think you two'll start dating?" Nicky asked genuinely. Rod blushed. The fact of the matter was, Rod was _not_ actively pursuing a relationship with anyone. He had embellished a casual lunch appointment to give Nicky a different impression. Truth be told, Rod's boyfriends now that he was "out of the closet" were just as fake as his girlfriends when he was still "in." The biggest difference was, though, that this time Nicky actually believed him. Rod wasn't sure if he liked that or not.

His roommate, his best friend, was the exact opposite of him. They were like The Odd Couple together. Nicky was messy, casual, relaxed. Rod was neat, professional, and up tight. The black haired man-child drove Rod insane! And he couldn't love him more. He'd never told him. Oh, he'd tried to, but he could never get the words passed his lips.

Nicky wasn't gay. He'd made that perfectly clear. Oh, he was tolerant, even supportive, but just because he was okay with the idea of guys in relationships with guys, it didn't mean he was interested in participating. The thought was heart-breaking to Rod, but he couldn't bring himself to give up hope. He was always making subtle statements or suggestions and gauging Nicky's reaction - always searching for that glimmer of hope that the one and only man he would ever love might reciprocate his feelings in some way.

"Well, I was thinking that I might get coffee with him again some time." Rod replied nervously. "I mean, if nothing else, you know how much I like coffee."

"Yep. You sure do." Nicky agreed. Rod smiled, loving how well his friend knew him. Nicky took another swig. Rod nursed a cup of now-luke-warm tea.

"You like coffee, right?" Rod was trying to make small talk, but, as always, trying to put ideas in Nicky's innocent mind.

"Yeah, if it's really sweet."

The conversation was going nowhere. Rod pulled his legs up into the dining room chair he was sitting in, folding them lotus-style under him. Nicky continued his own lounging posture with one arm flat on the table, the other looped protectively around his drink. Rod stared expectantly at his roommate for a couple of seconds before continuing, animatedly.

"Well, I just have so many guys asking me out all the time… I can't very well date them all." he laughed, rolling his eyes and tossing his head back in a carefree sort of way. Nicky just smiled pleasantly at him, emptying his bottle before standing from the table. He grabbed the beer label that Rod had folded and walked to the kitchen to throw them away. It was a new thing Nicky had been doing lately - cleaning up after himself. Not much. He still didn't do his own laundry and he still left dirty dishes in the bedroom, and didn't _ever_ clean the hair out of the shower, but he threw his trash away usually and that was good enough for now.

"Well," Nick started as he walked away from his friend the short distance into the kitchen, "maybe if you did try to date them all, you might end up falling for one of 'em. You never know! Love could be hiding behind the next cappuccino."

"Oh, I couldn't do that." Rod countered, turning in his chair to face the other man.

"Oh, Rod. Don't be shy!" Nicky walked back into the dining area, mussing up the conservatively combed hair of his buddy as he moved back to his chair with a bag of mini-bagels. "Just give one of 'em a call!"

"Nicholas! I couldn't do something like that! It's not proper!"

"Why not?"

"That's just not how it's done. I can't call someone for a date. That would make me seem desperate. They have to call me." Rod looked snobby and indignant as he closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. Nicky laughed at the almost antebellum attitude of his roommate.

A playful spark glimmered in Nicky's eye. He drew half his mouth into a smile, his cheeks creasing his eyes with the grin. He lunged around the table, fingers out.

"Aw, come on Roddy! Call one of 'em." He tickled and tackled the petite conservative, reaching for Rod's phone in his khaki slacks.

"No, Nicky!" Rod tried to protest, fighting back, almost tipping backward in his chair under the good-natured assault. "I don't want to! Would you stop!" he batted at Nicky's hands, writhing and squirming in a very undignified manner in the chair. Nick just laughed. Rod had to admit, that goofy giggle was infectious, and he found himself laughing and screaming too, enjoying the game.

Rod tried to turn his mind off, tried to enjoy the row for what it was, tried not to get too caught up in…

He was surrounding him. He smelled like Old Spice deodorant and dryer-sheets. The faint hint of beer still on his breath, adding a warm, bready scent to the mix. He focused on the panting sounds of Nicky's breathing as he gasped in after laughing. He could feel the subtle heat radiating from his body. His hair was a mess and his face wore the unmistakable stubble of a day without shaving. Rod grabbed Nicky's hand, trying to protect his ticklish ribs from further attack. They were soft, meaty, with wisps of black hair over the backs of the hands and knuckles. Nicky was the picture of manliness to Rod, but also sweet, playful, and gentle.

He had to stop. He was going to do something he'd regret if Nicky continued to invade his space so intimately. Still smiling, but calming his own laughter, he tried to explain himself over his heavy breaths.

"Nicky, I'm not going to call some guys and go out on dates." Nicky settled down also, moving back to his own chair, tossing Rod his phone back with the smile still spread across his face.

"Oh, don't be so shy." Nicky started before Rod cut him off again.

"No. It's not that. Well, maybe it is that. But it's not that I don't want to go on dates."

Nicky's face started to show signs of his puzzlement. Rod sat there for a moment, mouth hanging open as if he were frozen in the middle of his explanation. Mulling over what to say, he pushed on.

"I'm just," he began again, shaking his head a little and letting his eyes glide up to look toward the ceiling over the tops of his glasses, "I'm just kind of holding out for someone."

"Just someone? As in, anyone?" Nicky was adorably clueless.

"No, Nicky. I have feelings for a particular person and I just don't know how to put them into words. I don't know how to tell this person that I care about them. So I guess I'm waiting on them. I'm not really interested in anybody else." It was the most bold statement Rod had ever made about anything in his life. It was definitely the closest he'd ever come to confessing. Rod sat there, tense, for an incalculable amount of time. He felt so open and exposed. Surely Nicky had understood. He must certainly know, now, that the one Rod pined for was him, right? Right?

Nicky sat silently for a time, looking at Rod and his rigid but almost cowardly posture. Shoulders up, back slouched, head down, eyes nervously looking up at him. Nick's own expression softened. Poor Rod.

"Aw buddy," Nicky murmured softly, reaching out and placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "unrequited love and all that. Maybe you should just come right out and tell the guy! I could help you! Give me his number! I'll talk to him! I won't tell him you know. I'll take the guy out for drinks or something. I'll talk you up real good. That guy will be beating the door down to go on a date with you when I'm done."

And there it was. The apparently obvious was lost on the blissfully ignorant. A strange mixture of relief and disappointment filled his body as if he were a vessel being filled with water. It was a tight, dreadful feeling and he suddenly felt very weary.

"Thanks Nicky." Rod smiled weakly, patting the hand on his shoulder. He stood up, moving a step away from the table in the direction of the bedroom. Back turned to his still-seated friend, Rod reached behind him to pat Nicky on the back. "Night."

"Night buddy." Nicky craned his neck to look back at Rod's zombie-like form shuffling slowly to their shared room. Nick took a bite of one of his bagels, chewing on it carefully - his mind occupied. "Aw, poor Rod." he said only after his roommate had disappeared into the room and closed the door behind him. "He must really, really love this guy." Nicky's musings continued as he carried himself to the couch, laying out on it, kicking his shoes off in the process.

The thought did occur to him that his pal, Rod, did occasionally seem like he was longing for someone. He did sometimes seem a little love-sick. It was all coming together. Nicky had let the latent clues slip past him all this time! How could he have been so naive? The jobless friend turned himself over on the sofa where, despite having a bed of his own, he slept most nights - and days. Not bothering to change into sleep-attire, Nicky reached out to turn off the lamp beside the couch. He murmured into his arm as his body relaxed for sleep. "I'm gonna help Rod snag this guy of his, if it's the last thing I do."


	2. Chapter 2

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 2~**

It was a beautiful morning. Blue skies, cool breeze - perfect. As the sun began its ascent and Rod got ready to go to work, Nicky sat ponderously on the sofa. Bustling around the apartment, Rod tried not to notice the uncharacteristic demeanor of his friend. He found it a little concerning, but decided to ignore it.

"Well, back to the old grind." Rod joked nervously as he pulled his suit jacket on. Nicky didn't respond. "Okay." The investor stepped to the door and pulled it open, still keeping his eyes on Nicky who simply sat on the edge of the couch cushion, hand to his mouth, elbows on his knees. He stared into the depths of the carpet. His usually bright, hazel eyes were now dark with deep contemplation.

"Try not to work too hard while I'm gone." Rod made one last attempt before leaving. Nicky did manage to look up with a wave, but it was obvious he hadn't actually heard Rod's parting remarks. The banker offered a half smile but Nicky's eyes never actually focused on him. With a sigh, he closed the door behind him and left.

"How can I get this guy of Rod's to fall for him?" Nicky mumbled into his hand. He had been pushing the limits of his mind when a simple variable popped into his realm of comprehension. "How do I find out who this guy is??"

That was it. That little detail _might_ be the most important piece of the equation. If Nicky could find out _who_ this person was, Nicky would be able to actually do something about it! But what to do? What could Nicky say to convince this "dream boat" that his buddy Rod was the best guy in the world? That Rod was gentle, sweet, caring, patient, and a super great friend?

Well, maybe it would also be important to find out what it is Rod sees in this guy. What makes him so special that his buddy would forsake all others for him?

Now, Nicky was not an unintelligent guy. He may not have been using it, but he did receive a college degree. So to assume that Nicky didn't have the capacity for problem-solving would certainly be erroneous. And it just so happens at that moment, as Nicky sat back in sudden enlightenment, that he had an idea. Rod's journal.

It may have seemed unscrupulous. It may have seemed wrong and like an invasion of privacy and a breach of trust, but one must realize that Nick only had the purest of intentions.

Knees popping, he raised himself from his seat and walked noisily to their room. Rod was very secretive about his journal, but he kept it diligently. Rod had made it very clear that Nicky was never to peek inside and, despite his cat-like curiosity, he never had. But desperate times call for desperate measures. He stepped in front of Rod's dresser. A sleek, modern design - straight lines, perfectly rectangular, deep burgundy stained wood and varnished to a glass-like shine. The mirror had the same no-nonsense construction. Rectangular, framed in the same shiny wood as the dresser.

Nicky looked at himself in that mirror. The room was dim, the sun barely seeping in through the closed curtains of the windows behind the twin beds. His fly-away hair caught the rogue rays of sun and created a sort of eerie halo around the unkempt pilferer.

He carefully pulled open the drawer. He felt a clammy kind of sweat on his skin and he swallowed thickly, licking his dry lips in a nervous anticipation. As unlikely as it was, he somehow expected Rod to pop in and catch him at any moment.

Neatly folded stacks of perfectly pressed white and light blue cotton boxers came into view and Nicky almost chuckled at the tidiness of it. But hidden at the back, under one of the organized piles, was the journal. It was a light brown, recycled-paper cover with thick, parchment-like pages. It had a bungee string wrapped around it, keeping it closed and "secure."

Nicky found himself feeling like Indiana Jones as he nervously fingered the somehow precious object. Trying not to think too much into what he was doing, lest he see the inherent wrong in it, he quickly closed the drawer again and retreated into the living room. He settled himself comfortably on the floor, propping his feet up on Rod's easy chair as he laid back on the rug.

He kept telling himself, "It's for Rod. I'm helping him and he'll thank me for it someday." That gave him courage enough to continue. So with that emboldening thought, he opened the book to somewhere in the middle and began to read.

--

The air was still cool and moist that early in the morning. It was refreshing. Spring-time was Rod's favorite time of the year - especially when he had to run for the bus every day. But the contemplative expression on Nicky's face haunted him.

"What could he have been thinking about so seriously? It couldn't have been the conversation from last night, could it?" Rod asked himself in a silent whisper as he approached the stop just as the bus pulled up. He found a seat. Tucking his briefcase squarely on his lap, he gazed out the window - not actually seeing anything - simply staring. His mind was on other things.

What if he had figured it out? What if Nicky had put two and two together and realized what Rod had been trying to say? Was that what he was thinking so hard about this morning? Was he piecing together the puzzle? Or maybe he had already deciphered it and was coming to terms with the burdensome knowledge. Could he have been deciding on what to do? Whether to move out or not?

The blossoms on the trees dotting the parks and side-walked areas seemed to blur like fluffy pink and white clouds as the bus sped along it's route. A beautiful day, indeed! Absolutely perfect! Rod suddenly felt sick.


	3. Chapter 3

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 3~**

Nicky flipped through the pages of the diary. Normal things, daily activities. It was all pretty uninteresting. He was wondering why Rod was so secretive about it since it was mostly stuff he, himself, was present for! _"Nicky broke the coffee pot today. Surprise, surprise, he didn't clean up the mess." _

Nicky chuckled.

"_Nicky drives me insane! He used the doilies from my chair to wipe his mouth today! I thought he had been eating those cinnamon candies, but I found out he had been eating my potpourri! How could he not tell?" _

Nicky began to notice a recurring theme to the entries. But where were the deep, heartfelt musings on this mystery man? He leafed through the pages, skimming them quickly for any word or phrase that might leap out and catch his attention. Well, he caught his own name several times. But so far, nothing lovelorn.

_--_

Rod sneezed. He pulled the handkerchief from his breast-pocket, flapping it once to open it before dabbing at his nose and mouth daintily. A few brokers sitting at the long, narrow table in the office looked up from their hand-outs and away from the matching projection slides to the interrupting noise. The red-haired man smiled sheepishly, commenting, "I guess someone somewhere must be talking about me."

_--_

Nicky was getting frustrated. He couldn't sit here all day, reading! Rough finger tips gripped the book cover. He was getting nowhere fast. He swiped the pad of his thumb across his tongue before resuming his page-turning, leaving a wet spot he chose to ignore on one of the pages.

But wait! What was that? Nicky flipped back a couple of pages to see…

"_I was thinking about you-know-who again. So what else is new? When we were sitting together, I was trying to read but he started making jokes. I didn't laugh, but I wanted to. He's so funny. They say laughing adds years to your life. I think I could live with the laugh-lines on my face if it meant a long life with him by my side. I'd never die!"_

Okay. So now Nicky knew what to look for. Seeking out all the "you-know-who's" he could find, he continued his research with more fervor.

"_I was fantasizing about my wedding today. Isn't that silly? Of course, it was to you-know-who. I think if it were to ever happen, I'd have to do most of the planning. He isn't exactly the motivated type. But I wouldn't change him for anything in the world. I think he'd look stunning in a tux. I mean a real tuxedo, not something that looks like a left-over from the 70's. I was thinking, he could wear a black tux and I could wear white. We'd be like yin and yang! I think that sums us up pretty well. Plus, the black would bring out his strong, dark features."_

"_I am trying to be more aggressive. I'm trying to assert myself more. You-know-who was sitting across from me today. So I thought I'd try to flirt a little. Maybe hint at him that I'm interested and try to find out if he's interested too. I thought I was being completely obvious! Apparently not. I tried focusing the conversation on him and things I know he's interested in. I even suggested that we should 'hang out' together some time in the city. Not in those words, of course. I would never come right out and ask him on a date. But even still, I was practically throwing myself at him and he had no idea. At least, I think he had no idea. He just talked, smiled, and nodded. Completely unaware. I guess as they say, ignorance is bliss. God, I love him!"_

"_I dreamed about you-know-who again last night. I won't go into any details, but, it was another one where he revealed to me that he loved me. I was so happy in my dream! It felt so real! I wish I could sleep forever - mostly because I know that it could only ever happen in my dreams. He'll never feel the same way about me that I feel about him."_

Nicky swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He felt more determined than ever. Poor Rod. He really had it bad for this guy. The well-meaning roommate felt an annoyance growing inside himself. So he knew this much about this guy - He was apparently attractive, strong, with dark features. He was unmotivated but funny. Rod sees him often enough to sit with him in a casual setting - possibly a coworker or maybe someone who works at a restaurant in the city. And the guy is dumber than a bag of hammers! Nicky groused in annoyance at this man for being so clueless to Rod's affections.

Rod was a gentle sort of a guy - very sensitive and fragile. Even though Nicky had to admit that Rod always took care of him, he couldn't deny that he felt a sort of protective, possessive attachment for Rod too.

But Rod was extremely intelligent also and very self-sufficient. So Nicky knew Rod had to see something in this guy besides just his looks and sense of humor. So maybe he just needed a little nudge. Maybe this Mr. "You-know-who" needed a more obvious sort of clue. And maybe Rod needed a little help leaving such a clue.

--

The meeting had dragged on and on. Everyone seemed completely absorbed in the presentation about a new company client and their own strategies for making money for them and from them. Other members of the team offered suggestions and asked questions. But Rod simply sat quietly.

When it was over, he returned to his office. Sitting in his ergonomic computer chair, he took his glasses off, pinching the bridge of his nose right between his eyes. He leaned back, his neatly combed hair brushing softly against the window. He lolled his head back to look at the view. It was really impressive, the skyline of the city in the early afternoon. He wondered if Nicky had ever seen it from this angle.

He turned his attention back to his desk. His inbox had a stack of folders in it with contracts for him to review. The chair made a hissing sound as he adjusted the height to put himself in a more work-conducive position. He pulled a teal folder from the top of the pile - they were all teal folders, but this one was on top. Opening it, he flipped through it quickly, the paper making a scraping noise against itself as he did. He pulled out a pen from his desk drawer, not taking his eyes away from the tiny type-face on the crisp, white page. He clicked the writing instrument once, dropping his arm onto the desk to sign his name on an appropriate line.

Rod furrowed his brow, creasing his forehead in a futile attempt at keeping his attention locked on the document atop his neat and mostly-empty desk. His mind kept drifting to his roommate. Soon enough, after only a few completed forms, his eyes had ceased focusing on the typing. The black ink blurred together, becoming no more than fuzzy lines against a white background.

The broker quickly scribbled his name out on the final line, closing that particular folder and setting it in his "out" box. He leaned back in his chair again, using his foot to push himself back to the ceiling-to-floor window that made up that wall. He looked out over New York. The sun glinted off the shiny pillars of windows that reached into the sky. He was numerous stories up in the air and yet he never felt so safe. It was one of the things he loved about his office. The view. The glass barricade muted the noise of the city and gave him a mostly unrestricted site-line from ground to sky and everywhere in between. He spun himself around in the chair, facing the window, pressing his hands against it, and then his cheek. It calmed him. It made him feel peaceful. And then, in a clarifying moment, the idea occurred to him -

"I'm going to bring Nicky to my office and show him the view." It was something he felt they could do together, innocently enough, and maybe in the relaxing environment, well, who knows?


	4. Chapter 4

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 4~**

Nicky carefully pushed the drawer closed, having replaced the incriminating object to it's rightful place. The doorknob turned. Nicky could hear the click of the lock. In an nonessential panic, he bounded into the living room, leaping the back of the couch to land hard on the cushion. He grabbed up the remote and flicked on the tv in one, fluid motion.

"Hiya Rod, buddy!" Nicky greeted breathlessly. He looked about as innocent as a cat with a feather in his mouth, but Rod let it slide with no more than a slightly suspicious and drawn out "Hi" as he closed the door and locked it behind him.

The banker was strangely in a good mood. His notion of Nicky coming to his job excited him in a way. The obvious thoughts of his roommate embarrassing him or making a mess or destroying something or leaving fingerprints and face prints all over the windows were only vague shadows in the back of his mind. He couldn't wait to suggest it. Of course, he couldn't seem too eager. He had to be casual about it. He'd wait until dinner and then direct the conversation artfully to that end.

The thin, lanky man tugged at his tie, loosening it from his throat, setting his briefcase down next to the sofa as he walked past it. "Do you want goulash tonight?" Rod asked, walking briskly into the bedroom and closing the door behind him.

"What's a goulash?" Nicky asked, though obviously his friend didn't hear him. It didn't matter anyway. He wasn't a picky eater - and even if he did protest, he'd probably still be given goulash anyway.

The red-haired man emerged moments later in a comfortable white t-shirt style undershirt and pajama pants. Nicky actually did a double-take because most often, Rod never lingered around the apartment in anything less than a polo and slacks unless he was sick or just about to go to bed. Rod made his way to the kitchen, a slight sway to his hips and impeccable posture - as always. His roommate watched him as he prepared a place on the counter and pull out the raw ingredients for the meal.

Nicky had returned his attention to the television. A cartoon was playing, though he had the volume down very low. His mind was still occupied by thoughts of his plan. Well, he didn't have a plan yet, honestly But he had a plan to make a plan and that was the important part.

A shrill, grating sound like an army of cats running their claws down a chalkboard abruptly drew Nicky out of his reverie. Rod had been sharpening a knife in the electric knife-sharpener. Testing the blade by dabbing his fingertip against it a couple of times, he nodded to himself that it met his standards. He apparently had not been bothered by the terrible mechanical scream. Rod pulled a white canvas apron from a peg near the refrigerator and quickly wrapped it around himself, tying it in the back without thought or effort. Nicky's attention was captured. He couldn't tie things that well when he was looking at them! Let alone something behind his back!

An image flashed in his mind for just a split millisecond of himself coming up to his life-long pal, in behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist, placing his chin on the other's shoulders… How would Rod react if Nicky were to do something like that? The thought was gone in an instant. Nicky shook his head and chuckled quietly under his breath. Oh the crazy things that can pop into a person's head!

But he stood up. He did walk into the kitchen. Bare feet over the linoleum made no sound at all as he tentatively moved in behind the cook. He peeked over the other's shoulder, watching him cut up a bell-pepper as if it were soft butter. Rod didn't even notice his friend's presence, so involved in slicing vegetables and placing them in neat piles before moving on to cut up a steak in thin strips, then cutting the strips into tiny rectangles and putting them aside as well. Rod turned around, intending to go to the sink to fill up a pot with water but he was stopped by Nicky's close proximity. It startled him! He let a tiny yelp escape his throat, born of surprise more than anything else.

Rod's first instinct was to become angry. He scarcely had time to cinch his eyebrows before Nicky spoke in that deep voice that reverberated through Rod's whole body. The tone would have been most appropriate to a rough, tough kind of guy. But with Nicky's child-like attitude and calm, gentle nature, it was almost an ironic pairing in a way.

"Can you teach me how to cook?" Nicky asked. The question caught Rod off guard, and it took a moment before he was able to comprehend what had been asked of him. He smiled, taking a moment to catch his breath before replying happily -

"Nicky? You want me to teach you how to cook?"

"You just make it look so easy and I was thinking…"

"Don't say another word." Rod playfully put his hand over his crush's mouth, effectively causing him to step back enough to give the cook some room. "Take this." He passed the sweatshirt-clad man a glass container of olive oil and stepped back, ushering Nicky toward the stove.

The heavy black skillet rested on a burner closest to the front. Heat radiated from the thing. Nicky had seen cooking shows before. He knew a little bit how it was supposed to be done. But he had actually never cooked a meal on a stove before. He had made sandwiches and tv-dinners, but he had never put anything into a skillet. It had looked like fun. Rod stood slightly behind him to his right, placing his hands carefully on Nicky's he guided him to tip the glass container.

"Now, put a little olive oil into the pan." He began. Rod was in Heaven.

Nicky gingerly did so, accepting the other's control over his actions as a crutch for his uncertainty.

"That will heat up pretty fast. We're going to put the meat in first since it will take longer to cook." Rod took the oil from the other man's hand, placing it aside on the counter and handed Nicky the bowl of meat. Nicky looked back questioningly. Rod simply nodded, and Nick raked the contents of the bowl into the pan with his fingers.

"I'm actually allowed to touch the food with my hands?" Nicky sounded almost excited. Rod smiled, putting his hands on his hips proudly.

"You can when you're cooking it. Just make sure to wash your hands before and after you touch everything." He pointed to the sink, stopping Nicky right as he was lowering his hands to his pants-leg. Rod began to fill a pot of water, setting it to boil while he left his friend to tend to the meat and vegetables in the pan.

The apartment had never felt so much like a home before. It was warm and alive with the sound of laughing and the scent of good food. Rod wished he could pause this moment in time for ever.

Rod ladled out some of the thick, tomato-y stew into a bowl and handed it to Nicky before serving himself. The two sat at the table - Nicky exploring the contents of his dinner with his spoon while Rod cracked open a wheat roll and placed both halves on the edge of his bowl.

"It's kind of like, uh, thin macaroni spaghetti" Nicky commented, picking up his flat-ware and taking a bite.

"Yes, it is. It's a Hungarian stew." Rod replied, dipping his bread and taking a bite.

"Well, I'm 'Hungary' enough to eat it!" Nicky laughed at his own pun.

"Oh Nicky." Rod puffed as if he didn't find the joke amusing at all (which he did.)

The sharp, clinking sound of utensils against ceramic created a cacophony to fill the void of speechlessness at the table. Nick slurped at his food, seeming to be paying far too much attention to it as he hunched over his place-setting, bringing his face almost down into the bowl. Rod chewed on his roll, turning his eyes up and over, nodding his head with every bite as if he was impatient at the length of time it took to finish off one mouth-full. The variety of table noises seemed louder and more grating without conversation to or ambient background noise to dull it a little. Rod found himself becoming annoyed with his roommate's terrible table manners and had resisted the urge to scold him on it. He took a deep breath, trying not to picture Nicky as the Neanderthal he was acting like.

Nicky sat before his bowl, cheeks bulging, , lips glossed with the thick, red sauce of the stew. Elbows on the table, one hand held the bread he had been using to sop and the other hand held his spoon, heavy-laden with goulash. He was poised for another bite, making sloppy noises as he devoured his dinner.

Rod pushed his bowl away from himself, quite finished and hoping not to be sick at the sight before him. "You should sit up straight when you're eating. And don't take such big bites. And wipe your mouth; it's disgusting." Rod paused in between each command. Nicky did sit up, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He turned his head up, attempting to make a retort with a full mouth without dribbling. He failed. And all he managed for his wasted efforts was a wet, mumbley sound that could never have been construed as actual language. Seeing what he had done, looking down at the red, meaty substance on the front of his shirt, he wiped his mouth with his other sleeve before looking back up at Rod as he had been caught in the act of doing something deplorable. In a way, he sort of had.

Rod swallowed his rising irritation. He wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. It wasn't _his_ shirt, after all. But it still absolutely went all over him that Nicky could be so slobby. Is anal-retentive nature sprang out as it usually did in such situations. He stood from the table, pushing his chair back away from him.

"Nicky! What a mess! It's going to stain. Take it off."

"What?" Nicky wasn't entirely sure what to make of the abrupt demand.

"Take it off! I have to put Spray-n-Wash on it before the stain sets!"

With such a vehement order, Nicky scrambled out of his sweat-shirt, tossing it into the waiting hands of the glowering man. Rod rushed it to the sink, running the saucy spots under cold water before fishing the spray bottle out from under the sink, spraying the garment, and scrubbing the fabric frantically over itself. The sweet, soapy smell wafted up, overtaking the previous dinner smell. Nicky still sat in his chair, turned half way backwards, watching Rod work

A sharp frown on his face, Rod turned his attention back to his roommate and almost did a double-take. He hadn't even thought about what he was doing when he forced the other man out of his clothes, but there he sat, without a shirt, completely bare-chested.

He had broad shoulders and a light blanketing of hair across his chest and trailing a line down his middle until it disappeared under his pant-line. His physique was average - unexercised and soft-looking but still somehow so desirable. Nicky was no model, that's for sure. He wouldn't be winning any contests, but Rod found himself lost in a stupor, wondering what it would feel like to run his hands across that fleecy chest and laying his cheek upon those burly shoulders.

The two of them stared dumbly at each other, neither speaking for a moment. Nick began to feel the pressure of Rod's scrutinizing gaze and he drooped his eyebrows and frowned. "You don't need to take care of me like my mother, Rod. I don't mind having some stains on an old sweatshirt."

Rod blinked his eyes a couple of times, returning to the real-world before adopting an equally aggravated mask.

"Well maybe I need to take care of you like a mother since you obviously can't take care of yourself!"

"Well I don't need it. Okay?! Damn, you're always in such a grumpy mood!"

The statement hit Rod like a slap in the face. Was he always so grumpy to Nicky? He immediately went back into defense mode, raising his voice in retort.

"Maybe I wouldn't be so grumpy if you weren't always doing things to drive me insane!"

"Yeah. I know! I drive you insane! You say it every day! 'Nicky, you didn't clean the apartment! You drive me insane!' 'Nicky broke the coffee pot. He drives me insane!' 'Nicky, get a job! You drive me insane!" Nicky tried to imitate Rod's slightly nasal voice, doing a pretty poor job of it, but Rod got the idea.

"Wuh- wu-" Rod stumbled over his come-back, unsure exactly what to say. "Well, Nicolas, maybe if you _did_ clean the apartment and _did _get a job and _didn't_ break the -" Rod stopped mid-sentence, only just picking up on Nicky's syntax. "Nicky broke the coffee pot. He drives me insane?" he repeated the other's statement verbatim. Nicky swallowed. The blood seemed to drain from his face in an instant. "Why would you word it like that?" Rod asked, stepping forward, slowly - one deliberate step at a time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 5~**

"I don't know what you mean!" Nicky protested loudly, a nervousness creeping into the edges of his voice.

"Where did you hear that?" Rod seethed, recognizing the passage he, himself, had written.

"I don't know! I don't know what you mean! Jeez! I mean, I was the one who broke it! I was there!" Nicky's defense was actually a pretty good one.

Rod stopped his approach. It was true. Nicky was the one who broke the coffee pot. He was there. Rod had probably said it. It wasn't an air-tight defense, but there was enough there for reasonable doubt. And, for his own sake, he didn't want to implicate himself for writing about his roommate, lest he pique the man's curiosity. Rod decided to let it slide.

"Well…" He couldn't think of anything to say for himself. He returned to his chair at the dining table and Nicky heaved a quiet sigh of relief. The two of them sat in silence for a time. Nicky twiddled his thumbs, directing his attention on his own hands. Rod also had his attention to Nicky's hands, seeming to be hypnotized by the twirling motion, but actually, they just happened to be something his eyes were resting on as Rod focused on nothing, feeling a little foolish.

"Hey Nicky?" Rod looked up at Nicky who then looked up at him. Their eyes met - cool hazel to his warm brown. The dark-haired man ceased his twiddling but kept his fingers interlaced. "I'm sorry I got upset. I'm sorry if I was accusing you." Rod said before looking away. Apologizing was always so difficult.

Nicky swallowed hard, feeling guilty about having read the journal, lying about it, and now making Rod feel bad. He felt like he was really batting a thousand at the moment. He tried to crack a smile - he wasn't sure if that's how it came across. His gaze fell intently on the other guy sitting there sullenly. What was going through his mind? He reached out, gently tapping his fist across Rod's shoulder, causing the banker to look back up into Nicky's face again.

"Buck up, chum!" Nicky smiled. "We can't let this little stuff get to us! We're amigos, you and me!" He was aware how sensitive his buddy was.

Rod smiled also. Yet another reason to love that man. Nicky could go from making him so angry to making him so happy in a moment. That twinkle in his eyes, that dopey grin, that perpetually messed-up hair. Everything about him was disarming. Oh how he wished he could just dive into his arms and be held and comforted like a lover rather than to be consoled from afar like a friend. Rod bit his lip hard to force himself out of his own mind.

"Don't think I don't appreciate ya, Rod. I'm happy about everything you do for me. So thanks." Nicky stood up, holding out his hand. Rod tentatively took it, accepting the help to his feet. The dumpier man drew the conservative investor into a tight, "manly" kind of hug, patting the other's back firmly. "I couldn't manage without ya."

Rod fought back the welling tears in his eyes. He wasn't sure how to react, remaining stiff for a time, but as the embrace continued and at hearing Nicky's last remark, he lifted his hands to his friend's bare back. Finger-tips gripping firmly to his flesh, Rod buried his face in Nicky's shoulder. He sort of started to feel guilty again. He knew that his roommate was offering him a reassuring, friend-hug and he was letting himself pretend it was something more.

Skin against skin, Rod suppressed the desire to kiss the body his lips were pressed against. Nicky was none-the-wiser and Rod felt like a fairly bad person, indeed, for the wicked thoughts that he couldn't seem to cease. But maybe… maybe flush against one another so tightly, maybe Nicky wouldn't notice… maybe Rod could just open his mouth a little. Perhaps he could taste just a tiny bit. He'd never know. He'd probably not feel it at all…..

Nicky pulled back out of the hug before Rod submitted to his own weakness - thankfully so. The red-haired man was blushing so hard. Nicky didn't seem to take notice. He gripped his petite friend by the shoulders and gave them a good pat, looking his friend in the eyes again, resting his forehead against the other's.

"You're a good person, Rod."

If Rod hadn't been at such a loss for words, he probably would have disagreed.

Nicky ruffled Rod's hair playfully as he usually did. Pulling back, he started to depart from the other male, preparing to head into the living room to watch some more tv. The removal of contact had Rod's mind whirling, desperately grasping for some way to stay. Before he had time to think about what he was saying, Rod opened his mouth and blurted out -

"Nicky, would you…" he caught himself, stopping short of asking something - he wasn't even sure what! What? What could he have possibly asked? Would you stay here? Would you hold me again? Would you let me kiss you? But the first part was out, a broken sentence floating in mid air. Nicky had turned, waiting patiently for the rest of it.

Looking like a fish gasping out of the water, Rod's mouth opened and closed a few times as his brain tried frantically to complete the question without embarrassing himself.

"Would you like to go with me to my office tomorrow?" It wasn't exactly the 'artful segue' into the suggestion he had wanted, but maybe it was enough to pull him out of the mess he almost buried himself in.

"Go with you to your office? Why?"

Rod hadn't really expected such a response. But now, thinking about it, it was a perfectly logical query. He had never asked Nicky to accompany him to Wall Street before. He had never even hinted that his presence was desired in any capacity outside the apartment. The investor continued to flounder.

"Because I only have a half-day at work tomorrow." he lied unconvincingly, but Nicky seemed to accept his explanation, even if he was still a bit dumbfounded by the offer. "I thought you might want to see where I work and then maybe we could get lunch before coming home." He mentally noted to himself that he would have to make up some excuse to leave work early to his supervisor.

Nicky considered the offer for a moment before nodding with a grin. "Yeah, sure Rod! I'd love to! It'll be fun!" He lounged on the sofa, stretching his arms out over the back of the couch, getting comfortable. One hand loosely gripped the remote control, even though he wasn't using it. He was still without a shirt but he didn't seem at all bothered by the missing article.

Rod sat down at the other end, relieved and internally delighted. He settled in, sinking down into the cushy surface His focus was directed at the tv but his mind was dancing through his fantasies. Nicky thought to himself that besides being a great chance to get out of the apartment, not to mention getting to see Rod's work-place, it would also be a chance to meet this mystery man that held his roommate's affections.

"Oh yes. Tomorrow will be a good day." they both thought to themselves.


	6. Chapter 6

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 6~**

Another brilliant, blue day. A robust wind blew, shaking the flower petals from the blossoming trees. Rod stood under one such tree as it rained it's delicate white and pink down over him. The air was crisp and cold but he could feel the direct sun-light warming his arms through his suit jacket. He closed his eyes and enjoyed it.

A couple of minutes passed. Rod was happy enough to stand outside in the beautiful weather, but he had a bus to catch and he was still waiting on his roommate to finish getting ready. He walked back the short distance to his apartment, up the steps, and into the entry way, calling up the stairs, "Nicky! Are you ready yet? We have to leave!" he paused, listening past his voice to hear if the other would respond. "Come on, Nicky! This may be just a day out for you but I'm on a schedule!"

"Coming, Rod." the tiny voice floated down the stairs, clinging to it's own echo in a ghostly sort of way. Rod huffed - not really upset, but more out of habit. He closed the door again and returned to his spot under the tree.

He continued to stand there under the rain of petals, not noticing right away when someone moved up to stand beside him. He did notice, however, when a hand brushed itself across his shoulder. Slightly startled, he looked over. Nicky was brushing the flowers off of his jacket for him before moving his hand up to do the same to his hair. Rod ducked away from the rough motions.

"Nicky, you're going to mess up my hair. I have hair-spray in it."

"But you look like you're covered in snow." he responded casually.

Rod took the moment to look his roommate up and down. Nicky was wearing blue jeans without any holes in them and a button-up short-sleeve shirt - white with a brown criss-crossing stripe pattern on it making little squares. His hair had been combed down but the wind was blowing it back up again. At least Rod could see the effort he tried to put into it. Nicky still looked casual, but at least he looked clean. He had shaved too. That was probably the biggest surprise. Not that Nicky didn't shave, but he seemed to always have a 5 o'clock shadow. But now his skin was smooth and it made a big difference indeed!

Rod hadn't noticed that he'd been staring with his mouth hanging open until Nicky crooked a finger and touched it to Rod's chin, closing his jaw for him.

"I clean up pretty good, don't I?" Nicky laughed. Rod nodded wordlessly before catching himself being too agreeable.

"You look like a P.E. teacher." Rod grumbled as if that meant something. The bus pulled up, motor rumbling and breaks squeaking out a sigh as the large vehicle stopped at the designated spot, effectively saving Rod from having to explain himself.

The two took their seat side by side. Rod occupied the vicinity of the window as usual, gazing out at the scenery as the bus lurched forward before adopting a smooth and steady pace. Nicky placed his hands on his knees, looking around at the other people and he wondered to himself if Rod knew any of these people, if he ever talked to any of them.

The banker turned his attention to the other man next to him. His hair was all over the place from the wind and he hadn't even done so much as patted it back down. He looked ridiculous. Rod clicked open his briefcase, grabbing out a little black comb, and clicking the case closed again. He roughly put a hand under Nicky's jaw, turning his head to face him.

"Your hair is a mess!" Rod explained, exasperated, as he combed the unruly, fluffy hair down and to the side. Nicky fought against him at first before giving in and letting the one who seemed to know best do his work. "There. Perfect." Rod smiled, leaning back to admire his work.

"Aw. You love me, Rod." Nicky joked with a cherub-like grin. Rod didn't take it as such, drawing his arms up protectively to his chest, gaping wide-eyed for a second.

"What did you say?"

"You take care of me." Nicky didn't seem to notice the strange change in his friend's demeanor. Probably because he was so used to it. "You're sittin' here combing my hair, riding with me on the bus. I'm like your son! It's funny."

Rod didn't find it funny, but he mustered up a laugh anyway, sitting back, relieved. "Well, someone's got to do it since you won't do it for yourself." It was practically becoming a catch-phrase, he said it so much. The significance was not lost on Nicky as the oft repeated words sank in.

Rod's office was located in a towering skyscraper, the top of which seemed to disappear into a cloaking haze. Nicky arched his back, trying to take in the view. Rod stepped off the bus in behind his roommate, stopping to fiddle with a button on his jacket before gently pushing Nicky forward and out of everyone's way. The way Nick gawked made Rod feel proud, just a little. He tried to be absolutely nonchalant about it.

"Come on." He said, taking Nicky's hand and leading him in through the door. The floor of the lobby had a marble pattern to it with a desk to the left. A receptionist sat behind the partitioning counter that looked like it had grown out of the floor, being of the same marble-like material. It was bulky and tall and there was likely a low platform behind it, elevating the woman so she could look down from her seat instead of up. The receptionist was busy talking on the phone in a professional voice, brushing her long, straight, light-brown hair behind her ears and adjusting her black glasses. She looked about 25.

A security guard stood stiffly beside the desk, like a military man standing "at-ease." His suit was a dark, navy blue which made his shiny brass buttons and gold-embroidered badge to stand out. The man had a thick neck and meaty jaw and very very very dark skin. He didn't seem to be looking at anybody, simply glaring out in a straight line to some unknown point, perhaps on a wall somewhere - focusing on nothing and everything at once.

Nicky drank it all in. He had been in skyscrapers before. Nothing new. But this was an important office building and it was where Rod worked, so he was taking in every detail. The sound of hard-soled shoes clopping across the floor resounded in the high-ceiling of the lobby. Two elevators on the back wall stood side by side, their door-frames a highly polished gold-color. Rod led him to them. Pushing a button and waiting like he did every day, he pushed his sleeve up to check his watch and then turned his head to see the bustle of the crowded foyer. Nicky stuffed his hands in his pockets and stood quietly.

A ding singled the arrival of the car. The two of them and several others crowded into the elevator, riding up, stopping now and then to let people on and off during their ascent. Nicky stood close to Rod, facing him. Rod seemed to be trying to avoid directing his attention to Nicky.

"This is kind of exciting." Nicky grinned. Despite himself, Rod smiled. The simple statement had actually reminded the investor why he decided to bring his friend with him in the first place. He decided in that moment to stop being so aloof and let himself enjoy the other's company and let Nicky enjoy himself.

--

Rod pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, his attention on his computer as he logged on for the day. Nicky sat across the desk in a black chair, a no-nonsense kind of design like the rest of Rod's room. Most everything was black, gray, and white except for a potted topiary in the corner. It added a fun flare that the rest of the room was sorely lacking. While Rod flipped through some folders, looking at the contracts he had to go over, Nicky occupied himself by trying to figure out what shape the topiary plant was. Was it supposed to be an animal or was it just some abstract shape? The bush was not very big and he wasn't even sure if it was real or not. He resisted the urge to go touch the leaves and examine it further.

A knock at the door drew both sets of eyes up. A man in a black business suit, unbuttoned jacket revealing a yellow and brown striped tie. He looked young and attractive, probably in his early 30's, with very short, dark hair. It shined as if it were made of plastic.

"Hey, Rod. We've got another productivity meeting this morning. Big fun." the man joked blandly. Rod half smiled, knowing how much everyone hated productivity meetings and how everyone agreed that it would probably be more productive to let them work instead of pulling them away from it every week. "Oh, hey, I didn't know you were with a client. Sorry."

"Oh, I'm not a client. I'm -" Nicky started but Rod stood from his desk quickly and walked briskly to the door, closing it behind himself. Nicky could hear the conversation, albeit muffled.

"Yes. I'm with a client. But he won't mind if I steal away for a moment to go to the meeting."

Nicky found himself wondering if this person was the infamous Mr. You-Know-Who.

A few seconds later Rod slipped back into the office, closing the door behind him, offering Nicky a little smile. But it was Nicky who broke the silence.

"So, do I get to met this guy you were talkin' about?"

Rod didn't understand. Noticing the genuine confusion apparent on his friend's face, Nicky continued.

"You know. The guy you like but are afraid to tell."

The blood drained from Rod's face and his knees almost buckled. Did he know? Was he toying with him? He had spread so many lies about the men in his life he wasn't sure what he had said, or if Nicky had figured it out and was pushing for a confession. What could he say?

"Okay, okay, I get it." Nicky held his hands up dismissively. The tone of his voice was pleasant and accepting. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Rod still wasn't sure exactly what angle Nicky was coming from so he thought he should just side-step the issue entirely.

"Hey, I wanted to show you something." Rod did a half-skip to start himself moving back behind his desk. He waved his hand in a beckoning motion and Nicky complied, standing from his chair and taking a place beside his friend at the window. Rod put his hands in his pockets and just looked out over the skyline. Nicky watched the other man for a second before following-suit and looking out over the city as well.

"I love my job for this reason." Rod said after a lengthy quietude. "No matter how stressful it gets, I can look out this window and I feel calm again."

"No wonder you spend so much time at work." The other one commented softly, both men still staring out. Rod thought he caught the other's drift.

"Nicky." Rod leaned forward enough to press his forehead to the cool glass. His spectacles clinked against the rigid surface. "I don't want you to think that I don't enjoy being around you. And all this talk about other guys - I wouldn't worry about it too much. Nobody is going to come along and take me away from you. I'll always be around to take care of you."

"Did you ever think you might need someone to take care of you for a while?" The question was subtle. As straight forward as it sounded, Rod wondered what layers were under it. "If there is someone you want to be with, don't you think it's a good idea to let them know? I mean, if nothing else, let them know you're interested so they can have the option, you know?"

Rod's breathing became shallow and quick and his face blushed hard. Both men continued to look out the window. An intimate conversation taking place in a very detached manner. But what was Nicky trying to say? Was he hinting at something? The conservative and effeminate man was afraid to lay it out on the line. He was afraid of being wrong and afraid of leaving himself vulnerable to the potential (and incredibly likely) possibility of hurt.

"It's not that easy, Nicky." Rod squeaked out, eyes directed to the pedestrian traffic below, but his attention was keenly on the presence beside him. The dark complexioned one put an arm over his friend's shoulder, pulling him into a casual, one-handed embrace.

"I understand."

"You do?" Rod turned to face his friend who had already turned towards him. Nicky smiled a sweet, reassuring smile. His hazel eyes catching the light from the large window, bringing out the green in them. The multi-faceted thread-like pattern of the iris made them look like precious jewels. Rod's breath hitched, catching in his throat as he gaped in awe.

"You just need a little courage. You just need to throw caution to the wind and come right out and say it."

"I… I don't think I could ever form my feelings into words, Nicky. They're too big for me."

"Then I'll say it for you."

Rod thought he was going to faint. His whole body trembled under that heavy, casual arm over his shoulder. Could this be the moment? In silent anticipation, he waited for Nicky's words - the words that could possibly free him.

"Just leave it to me. I think I know you well enough to let this guy know how you feel. Just show him to me and I'll do all the talking."

Rod felt like he was going to drop to the floor in that instant but resisted the inclination.

"Nicky!" he yelled. The moment was blown and he was thanking the powers that be for his continued reservedness. "I have to go to a meeting. Stay here and don't mess anything up!" And without he stormed out of the office, leaving a _very_ confused roommate in his wake.


	7. Chapter 7

_Paper Courage_

_**An Avenue Q fan fiction**_

_**Rod X Nicky**_

_

* * *

_

_**I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!**_

_

* * *

_

_**~Chapter 7~**_

Nicky stood dumbfounded as Rod slammed the door behind him. He rubbed his hands up his face and back through his hair, effectively undoing his "do." His heart was still pounding in his ears. He looked to the closed door as if he could see through it - as if he could see Rod storming away. But he couldn't and he dropped his gaze back to the carpeted floor of the office, before dropping himself as well. 

He sat with his legs crossed lotus-style, resting his elbows on them. He buried his face in his hands as he thought about the recent moment that he almost didn't make it out of. Those times when they both stood or sat just a little too close, those times when he could almost detect some insinuation behind Rod's words, those times when their comfortable friendship seemed like not enough… 

Nicky scrubbed at his face again, trying to jostle himself back into a frame of logical thinking. He realized those moments of intensity were becoming more and more frequent and he just couldn't understand them. He began to wonder what would happen if he just said, "Fuck it!" and went on impulse. Well, he knew what would happen. Rod would freak out and then he, himself, would be left in an incredibly awkward and uncomfortable state for the rest of his life. Sometimes one has to think logically about the potential repercussions of an action. This last time he was able to focus on what was important: hooking Rod up with the love of his life. He had been able to shake himself back into reality by remembering that one thing. Rod was desperately in love with someone and Nicky, being Rod's best friend, had to do everything in his power to help.

Besides, crazy things pop into a person's mind all the time. It doesn't make them true. But if one acts on them… well…

--

Rod sighed as he placed his hand on the doorknob to his office. It made a sharp clacking sound as he turned it, but the door was light and swung open effortlessly. He closed it behind himself with a thud and a click. He didn't see his roommate anywhere. He stepped up to his desk, peering over to find him sitting cross-legged on the floor. Nicky's cheek rested heavily on his left hand which was in turn supported by his elbow digging into his own lap. His right hand picked idly at the fuzz of the carpet. He looked solemn and dejected, like a scolded child. 

Rod stepped around his desk, crouching down in front of his friend. He offered a sympathetic smile. Nicky looked up, but didn't offer a smile in return. Rod leaned forward, placing his forehead directly against the other's and rubbed his hand up and down over Nicky's shoulder soothingly. 

"I'm sorry I left in a huff and I'm sorry I griped at you."

"I'm sorry too…. For what ever it was I did." Nicky shrugged. Honestly, he wasn't upset about being yelled at. He was perplexed about it, but he hadn't given it much thought. The usually easy-going guy wasn't even sure where this dour mood was coming from. He didn't want to delve too deeply into his own psyche to find out because the answers he kept coming up with were confusing.

"Want to grab some lunch?" Rod asked in that high-pitched, nasal voice of his. Nicky grinned. 

"You buying?"

"Of course. I know you're impecunious."

"Impe-what? What's that mean?"

"It means you never have money. You're always poor." 

Nicky smiled sheepishly and extended his hand, silently asking for help up. Rod obliged, firmly grasping the extended palm, clasping his fingers tightly around it and they both sort of pulled each other up. Once standing, Rod didn't want to let go. Strangely, Nicky didn't want to either. So they both stood there for a second, their hands still gripping, wedged in between them. 

"It is a calming view." Nicky commented, turning his head to the window for one last look before they left. 

"Yes it is." Rod agreed. 

--

"Let's say, hypothetically," Nicky started over a mouthfull of bacon-burger, "you were going to confess to someone…" The ambient noises of the restaurant created a dissonant backdrop to their budding conversation. 

Rod rolled his eyes and huffed. "Can we move on from this topic? I'm sorry I ever mentioned it in the first place."

"No no, hear me out." Nicky insisted, trying to hold his hands up in a placative gesture, still holding his burger. Rod sighed in acquiescence, nibbling on the tines of his fork. "What would be the way you'd choose to do it?"

Rod huffed again. He was sorely uncomfortable about the whole thing. He put his fork down and took a sip of his water. The floating lemon-wedge was almost hypnotic as he stared into his glass. 

"If I answer this question, will you leave me alone about it from now on?" Rod asked annoyed as he set his drink down. 

"Scout's honor." Nicky said, placing one hand to his chest, and a two-fingered salute to his forehead. Rod rolled his eyes, not even mentioning the fact that he knew Nicky had never been any kind of scout in his life. 

"Well, if I was actually going to take the initiative, it would probably be easier to write it down in a letter." he answered, picking up a baby-carrot and biting it in half with a crisp crunch.

"Why?" Nicky asked, his voice muffled by the sandwich he held up to his mouth.

"Why what?"

"Why a letter? Why would you choose a letter?"

"It seems like an all around superior vehicle for verbalizing one's emotions. Besides having roots in classic romanticism, it also has the benefit of allowing a person to gather their thoughts in a cohesive, often lyrical manner. It offers a veil of separation, giving the writer more courage to express himself without worry of immediate rejection or interruption. Also, if one chooses not to deliver the letter after writing it, they can always throw it away."

Nicky sat back, stunned. He hadn't expected such a thorough explanation, but there it was and it made so much sense. And all at once an idea formed in his head. Eureka! It came to him in an instant and he knew what he had to do. He had to get a hold of Rod's journal again. He had to write his buddy's thoughts down on paper - make it look real nice. He just had to keep his mind on his mission. He had to get Rod hooked up and fast. Recently he had been so preoccupied with his friend's love-life that he had actually started picturing himself in it. But that could never happen. It was a laughable concept. But once his ol' pal, Rod was happily settled down with a boyfriend, he would be officially off the market and Nicky's overactive imagination could settle back down. 

Rod took note of Nicky's struck expression and just shook his head dismissively. He could tell his friend had something stuck in his head and Rod was 100% afraid to even ask what it was. As far as he was concerned, when it came to Nicky, asking questions just opened a rather undesirable can of worms. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 8~**

"So long, pal!" Nicky waved emphatically as Rod shrugged into his jacket for work and straightening the lapels. The red-haired man arched one eyebrow at the exuberant display. "I'll see ya when you get home from work! Can't wait 'til then! Have a good day!"

"U- uh, bye Nicky." As usual, Rod decided it was better not to ask. He just ducked out of the apartment as quick as he could.

Nicky heaved a sigh of relief as if he had been holding his breath the whole time. He slumped down into the soft, blue fabric, resting his feet on the coffee table in front of him. He turned his head toward the direction of the bedroom. Now was his chance. He had the whole day so he was going to make good use of his time and set his plan in motion right away. He dropped his feet down onto the floor with a thump, leaning forward to push himself to a standing position. His wrinkled jeans made a rustling sound against the sofa as he got up.

He stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his favorite, orange hoodie and strolled confidently to the next room. He was quite a bit less apprehensive this time. He felt completely at ease, justified in his actions and familiar enough with the objective. Nicky flicked the bedroom light on and walked up to the highly varnished dresser. He didn't even look up at himself in the mirror. He just removed a hand from his pocket, settling his fingers firmly in the handle and pulled the drawer open. The organized stacks of ironed undies came into view, perfectly wrinkle free and folded neatly.

Nicky took a moment before reaching in, walking his fingers in between the rows of boxers to the very back of the drawer, feeling around for the book.

"Nicholas! What are you doing with your hand in my unmentionables?!" Rod's voice shattered the silence, causing Nicky to literally jump, ducking his head down between his shoulders as if he were expecting a physical assault.

"Rod!" Nicky had pulled his hand back, holding it protectively to his chest as if he had just been bitten. "wha-wha- what are you doing here? I thought you left for work already!" Probably not the smartest thing to say.

"Of course I had left for work! But I went out in such a hurry I forgot to grab my briefcase so I had to come back in and get it! And this is what I find?! Had you been waiting for me to leave so you could go pilfering through my drawers? I can't even believe you, Nicky! What a gross invasion of privacy!" Rod yelled, though the tone of his voice was much more surprised than angry.

The tirade probably would have continued on and on, caught in a vicious loop, so Nicky knew he had to smooth things over some how. He had to change the direction of the conversation quick. He was drawing a blank. His mind grasped for something he could say, some excuse he could make.

"I was doing laundry." Nicky blurted out.

"Laundry?" Rod repeated, unconvinced. "Since when do you do laundry? And besides all that, why would you need in a drawer of already clean clothes?" He gestured limply with his hand, his voice dropped in tone, revealing that his mood had changed now to mild annoyance.

"I, uh - I, uh, wanted to see how you folded your clothes so I'd know how to fold mine."

Rod crossed his arms but softened his expression, still not entirely buying it, but not knowing what else he could do. "If you want, this evening after work I'll take you to the laundry room and show you how to do your own laundry. Until then, stay out of trouble… and stay out of my things. Don't make he have to start hiding my stuff."

Nicky nodded rapidly, still clutching his hand to his chest. Rod offered an unimpressed utterance.

"And just so you're not tempted…" Rod added as an afterthought. He walked to his drawer, pulling something out that he tucked into his jacket, not allowing his friend to see, but Nicky knew what it was. Keeping his eyes on his roommate, he picked up his briefcase from beside his bed before turning to leave the room. He looked back over his shoulder one last time, pausing at the bedroom door as if to say "behave yourself." Nicky understood the wordless command and he nodded again as he watched the banker march out through the living room, slamming the front door behind him. The abrupt and harsh noise caused Nicky to duck his head again, squinting his eyes in a grimace.

He stood there, still holding his hand, still ducking his head into his shoulders, as if waiting for Rod to come back in and yell at him some more. Well so much for being able to copy down Rod's thoughts!

Eventually he did drop his arms to his sides and he did assume a more relaxed posture. But now he felt a little lost as to what to do next. He was still a might shaken up from earlier and he had no journal to work with. He looked around absently as if he could somehow find the answers floating around the room. He shrugged, sitting himself on his own bed in their shared room, kicking off his shoes and reclining back against his pillow comfortably. He folded his arms behind his head and stared up at the ceiling - an all too familiar sight. Nicky was usually a pretty unmotivated kind of guy, but if he got something in his mind to do, then it was hard to shake it until it was done. And though it wasn't an often occurrence, this was one of those times.

He turned over on his stomach, grabbing his pillow and putting it over his head both in a frustrated gesture and to try to focus his thoughts.

"I guess…" Nicky spoke out loud even though his voice was muted by the mattress, "that I could just write off the top of my head." He threw the pillow off of him and sat up quickly, his hair standing up with static-electricity. The bed frame squeaked a little as he rolled himself off, jogging into the living room to the computer desk by the window.

Nicky sat down and brought up a text document. He cracked his fingers, twiddling them over the keyboard as he prepared himself to type. He figured the greeting and ending could be left blank, at least for now. He'd just focus on the meat of the letter. But what to write? He sat with his hands poised over the home keys while he stared into the blank, white screen. Well, he guessed all he could do would be just to start and let if flow. He could revise it later.

_Dear You-Know-Who,_

_You are tall, dark, and handsome and I really want to date you._

No. That was dumb.

_Dear You-Know-Who,_

_Even though you are lazy, I think you are very funny._

Oh Lord, that was even worse!

Nicky realized he was grasping at the fragments of memory he had of what he'd read the other day. If he wanted this letter to be convincing, he had to write from the heart. He had to pull from deep within himself. As they say, "write about what you know." Nicky erased everything he'd written thus far - starting fresh. He closed his eyes and began to type, delving deep within himself to find the words.

_Dear _

_I thought very hard about what to say in this letter. I wanted to mention your good looks, I wanted to fawn over your sense of humor, and I wanted to smother you in a list of 'sweet-nothings.' But in the end it all sounded a little contrived and cliché. It was then that I realized why I love you. It isn't your sense of humor, even though I love how you make me laugh. It isn't your good looks, even though to me you are the epitome of loveliness. And all the 'sweet-nothings' I could whisper in your ear would never fully express the expanse of my emotional attachment for you. The part about you I love so much is the average, ordinary things that we often take for granted in our daily lives. I see you every day. We sit together, talk together, sometimes even laugh together. These are little things that may seem unimportant. But to me, they mean the world. _

_I may come across as a strong and independent individual, but I am really shy and vulnerable. You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to tell you these things. In fact, it was near impossible. Please handle my heart delicately if you choose to respond. And whether you reciprocate or not, my feelings are just too big for me and I couldn't last another day without getting them out in the open. _

_Sincerely, _

_Rod_

Nicky opened his eyes. He reviewed his words. He murmured them aloud to himself. His cursor hovered over the 'print' icon but he hesitated. Everything about the letter seemed wrong. Why did it all seem so wrong?! Easy-going, laid-back Nicky released the mouse, grabbed the monitor and gave it a shake. He would have been proud of such a piece of writing if it weren't for the naked feeling it left him with. He was exposed. Exposed to himself and it glared at him from the screen. He didn't want to print it because he didn't want to give it to Rod. Hooking his best friend up with someone? Giving him away? Handing him over to someone else? It made him feel sick in the pit of his stomach. And to do it using the words that came from within himself seemed like an even greater atrocity.

But why? Was he afraid Rod wouldn't be around to take care of him anymore? Was he afraid that he'd lose his best buddy, ol' pal? Or maybe, maybe …


	9. Chapter 9

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 9~**

Rod clicked the lock, opened the door, and replaced his key in his pocket. He scanned the empty living room for his friend. "Nicky?" he called loudly. "You ready to go do laundry?" His question was answered with silence. Rod walked through the apartment, checking the rooms, but his roommate was markedly absent. He placed his hands on his hips, huffing out an exasperated sound. "Laundry my eye. I bet he's gone out to the Round-The-Clock with Princeton or someone."

Absently, Rod swooped his hand down to pick up a lonely sock from off the floor as he continued to scan the empty room. He made another disgruntled huff before turning from the bedroom back into the living room. He found another sock on the way. Pausing, he got to thinking. Rod walked over to the kitchen sink, looking under the cabinet. The laundry detergent was gone. So maybe Nicky went to the laundry room on his own.

--

Nicky opened one of the washing machines in the small laundry room for the apartment building. There were only 3 washers and two dryers, but no one else was there, so Nicky had them all to himself. The hinges on the lid made a sharp, metallic "twang!" followed by a grating screech. He leaned down almost all the way into the basin, reaching in and pulling out a teeshirt that had previously been white. He stared at the wet, pink article - a mixture of disappointment and surprise on his face.

"Everything under control?" Rod's voice came gently from behind him. Nicky turned, revealing the ruined shirt. Rod bit his lip to keep from laughing. "I guess not." He motioned Nicky out of the way and dug around to find the offending red item that tainted Nicky's load. The whole thing was as mess. It looked like the other guy had tried to wash 3 or 4 loads together. It was severely over-loaded and appeared to contain jeans, reds, whites, and towels! Rod rolled up his sleeves and began separating the clothes.

"The jeans are okay because they're dark. But they will be a little pinkish so you'll just have to deal with it. The reds are fine so you can go ahead and dry them. Never wash reds with whites or lights. If the towels get ruined, it doesn't matter too much. They're yours anyway. And I'll just put the whites back in to wash with a hearty dose of bleach and that should help a little bit. Then when they're all done, I'll wash the load of towels again to absorb any left-over bleach in the washing machine."

Nicky was impressed. He accepted the sopping red garments and complied with the order to put them in the dryer. He didn't dare touch another knob for fear of ending up with doll-clothes! Rod seamlessly took over doing the laundry, popping in the appropriate amount of coins into the slot and turning the knob on the machine. Everything was going like clock-work - everything was going smoothly. Rod leaned easily back against the running washing machine, his white, button-up work shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His jacket was draped over the top of the washer, the absence of which showed the black suspenders that gave Rod a casual yet dignified appearance. He crossed his legs at the ankles and crossed his arms loosely at his chest.

Nicky wasn't feeling like himself today. He stared at his friend who was staring at the dryer. Both were silent, but Nicky's was a silence of discomfort whereas Rod's was one of patience. The red-haired man didn't seem aware of the awkwardness Nicky was feeling. It was for the best, Nicky thought, since he had already decided.

The black-haired one moved in beside his friend. He also leaned against the front of a washing machine. He crossed his arms, staring forward into the dryer just like the other. He took in a loud breath and exhaled, hinting that he had something to say. Rod glanced to his left, to the person leaning beside him, but didn't take the offered bait. He directed his eyes forward again, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose just slightly.

"Um." Nicky smacked his lips, contorting his mouth into some strange shapes as he tried to decide what to say. Without looking over, he simply pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to his side. Rod loosened his hands from their pretzel-like position, looking at the offered paper and back up to Nicky - an inquisitive look on his face. Nicky shook the envelope once to accentuate the offer and Rod took it, albeit apprehensively. He examined the rectangular pouch on both sides. White and blank. Rod shrugged.

"Nicky, I don't know what this is."

"Courage." Nicky still didn't look at the other man.

"Courage? What do you - ?"

"Just don't ask, Rod." Nicky turned his head, crooking his mouth in an attempted grin. "You just have to take the initiative. I did the work for you. All you have to do is write a name and give it to someone."

He still didn't understand. Holding the envelope and looking into Nicky's eyes, he didn't comprehend the meaning of those cryptic words. He shook his head helplessly.

Nicky rolled his eyes, actually feeling frustrated. He already didn't want to do this. He turned to the other man, facing him fully, and he took Rod's hands in his own, forcing the letter firmly to Rod's chest. He jabbed a finger smack dab into the other man's solar plexus, causing Rod to flinch and cringe.

"Write the name. I wrote the letter. All you have to do is fill in the blank and mail it to this guy you like." Nicky's voice was urgent and upset. "Stop being a coward and get on with it." Rod held a helpless expression on his face, clutching the letter tightly and leaning back from Nicky who was pressing his body threateningly against his. Nicky wore a frown, his eyes narrowed crossly. There was a tremble to his chin that did not go unnoticed, but Rod chose to ignore it, manning up a bit. He pushed himself forward too, forcing Nicky back roughly. He straightened his shirt collar, adjusted his glasses, and frowned indignantly.

"Fine!" was Rod's only word. He stormed out of the room before grumbling angrily under his breath. "Have fun finishing up your laundry!"

Watching the agitated man stalk away, Nicky slammed his back against the wall-mounted dryer. He grabbed his hair, tugging at it in a futile display of frustration.

"FUCK!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 10~**

Nicky laid on his bed, his head shoved against the pillow but not on it. He wore a light pink t-shirt and vaguely pink tinted jeans. He had been spending a lot of time in the bedroom lately. He was trying to avoid his ol' pal, Rod. He wasn't angry or upset. He was a little more embarrassed and ashamed. Rod had gone back to acting normal almost right away. Nicky supposed it was because Rod just saw it as another argument. They had one almost every day! But for Nicky it was different. It wasn't the same old argument. Even if his friend didn't know what had incensed him so, Nicky knew and he still hadn't come to terms with it. 

He was afraid. There was a whole boiling pot of emotions within him and different names to label them by. Jealousy, confusion, uncertainty, anger… but it all came down to "afraid." He was afraid of change, afraid of losing his friend, afraid of losing the already brief amount of time with him that he had every day, afraid of bringing a stranger into their lives… And the stem of that cancerous, flowering foliage of inner turmoil was love - and that's what scared Nicky the most. 

"I'm not gay!" Nicky screamed into his pillow, which only came out as a muffled noise. 

He was an ally! He supported gay rights! He had no problem with any of it at all. He had always encouraged his best friend to come out because he figured living a lie must be a terrible feeling. But just because one supports homosexuality doesn't mean one is a part of it. That is where Nicky had always stood. He dated women, flirted with women, found women attractive! Sure he had never had a long-term relationship with a woman in his whole life… sure he never had that close, personal connection… Maybe that's all _this_ was! Maybe his heart and mind were confused! Maybe he was letting himself think that this close attachment and intensely deep friendship with Rod was something akin to love. But it couldn't be! It wasn't!

Sure, thoughts had popped into his head - fleeting images that were there and gone. And of course, he couldn't imagine life without him. It was too empty a prospect to consider. 

Nicky sat up on his bed and heaved a sigh. Yes, he was lying to himself, that much was clear. But what wasn't clear was _which_ one was he lying to? To his heart? Or to his head?

Rod pushed the bedroom door open, straightening his tie with one hand as he prepared to leave for the day.

"Nicky, would you go out and get a paper today? I want the coupons."

The unemployed roommate had jumped at the sudden entry of the one who had been occupying his thoughts so completely. He didn't answer right away.

"It has funny papers in it." Rod offered as if that was a deal-clencher. Nicky nodded slightly in agreement. The banker started to pull the door closed behind him before he stopped, swinging it open again as he leaned on the door knob. "Oh, Nicky, will you separate out the coupons for me. At least get it started. Find things that you want to eat and cut the coupons out for it and put them to the side. I'll finish it up when I come home tonight."

He nodded again, rolling his eyes. Rod did the same as he walked out. Nicky listened to the sound of the front door closing and latching. He hated this time of the day worst of all. It was the initial moment of his solitude and he felt especially alone. A sense of abandonment always filled him when that door closed. Today he had mixed feelings regarding the departure. Part of him was looking forward to Rod leaving. The very surface layer of his mind was glad when he left so Nicky wouldn't have to worry about avoiding him. He could do what ever he wanted! But the deeper part of him didn't ever want to be apart from the other man.

Nicky was frustrated. 

He sat on the bed for a while longer, not particularly looking forward to doing anything, not even watching television. So after a long, quiet while, he pivoted his hips, dropping his legs off the side of the bed, and planted his feet on the floor. 

Spring is fickle and that day the weather was ominous. Thick, gray clouds hung low and the wind whipped violently, sending gusts decorated with flower-petals over the sidewalk and through the streets. The bluster blew at his back as he walked, the hood on his gray sweatshirt pulled tight over his head. Through his small frame of view, he could see the newspaper box on the corner next to the post office and across from the fire station. Nicky walked by here nearly every day - checking the mail, going to the comic book store, and picking up a newspaper whenever Rod asked him to.

Nicky popped two quarters into the slot on the face of the worn, yellow newspaper box. The old hinges gave a shrill cry as he opened the door. Folding the newspaper, he secured it under his arm as he continued with his "daily chores." Next stop - Kapow! Comics.

It takes a special kind of person to spend hours in a small comic book store. Nicky considered it a talent. Perusing, haggling, discussing - he'd made an art of it. And the fact that the owners of the comic book shop also owned the video store next door didn't hurt either. He'd stand at the counter zoning out on Hulk cartoons or the Star Wars movies.

He hit the post office on the way back and the rain was already pouring as he exited the glass double doors. 

"Crap!" Nicky moaned, tightening his hood once more and raising the folded newspaper to shield himself somewhat. He ran the distance home - black canvas hi-tops slapped the wet sidewalk, soaking up the rain and drenching his feet. By the time Nicky got home, he looked like he had tried taking a shower with all his clothes on. His shoes made a sucking, sloshing sound as he walked up the one flight of stairs to his home.

Slosh - slosh - slosh

He kicked off his shoes and pulled his sweatshirt off. The cotton fabric was heavy with water and stuck to his body, causing him to struggle with the garment trying to remove it. Everything Nicky had brought in with him was unceremoniously dropped to the floor in the living room near the dining area where he stood, turning himself half upside down, trapped in his own shirt.

Click.

The door swung open again. Nicky had lost track of time while he was out. He turned his body, still within the confines of his dripping wet shirt. He used his arms to open op a hole to look out of.

"Hiya Rod."

The conservative man took a moment to gape at the wet carpet and jumbled up, drenched newspaper in the floor. But he didn't mention any of it, instead opting to assist his roommate, grabbing the "bottom" of the hoodie which was actually up around the man's arms. The two pulling in opposite directions, the sweatshirt came free with a sloppy sound. Rod went right away to hang it in the shower to drip for a while. As Rod walked back into the living room Nicky was crouching down, trying to gather up the things he had brought with him. The comic books were in plastic covers and had come through unscathed. The paper would be fine once it dried. He didn't know about the mail. He spread everything out to expedite the drying process. 

When he stood back up again, the pink-tinted tee-shirt clung translucently to some parts and hung loose and opaque in others. It pressed most transparently at Nicky's shoulders and chest. The disheveled man ran his fingers quickly through his hair, mussing it up, shaking water from it like a dog, causing the tendrils to spike up. Rod pinched the bridge of his nose to stem any potential nosebleeds.

"I think I'll go put on some dry clothes." Nicky stated as he made his way into their shared room. 

"Uh, could you help me with something first?" Rod blurted out, causing Nicky to stop in his tracks, turning his attention to his friend. "Coupons! You were supposed to help me with coupons! I need to know what you want to eat so I know which coupons to clip." It was a stretch and Rod felt silly immediately for saying it but he had to try, at least. 

"Well, let me change first."

"Oh, okay." Rod agreed as if it hadn't been trying to keep him from it in the first place. 

Nick returned shortly in his pajamas. "That feels better!" he stretched his arms out, enjoying the dry, warm clothing. Rod had already started making supper. Nicky sat down at the table, leafing through the still-wet newspaper, opening it up to the advertisements and coupon inserts, separating them, and scanning over the offers. Rod joined him at the table, a large colander of potatoes he was peeling in his lap. 

Both men tried not thinking about the other sitting next to them. Nicky tried to let his mind slide back into the frame of normalcy. It was actually a marked effort. But unbeknownst to him, Rod was having similar struggles. Spiked, black hair - two days worth of stubble - Rod just wanted to attack him in some passionate display! But no one would ever have guessed the interior struggles going on respectively between the two, as their conversation was casual and benign. Rod barely looked up at his roommate as his attention was squarely on the task of peeling and Nicky scarcely glanced at Rod, since he, himself, was busy trying to decide between Pillsbury Toaster Scramblers and Pillsbury Toaster Strudels. 

Rod stood from the table to deposit the cubed potatoes into a large pot of boiling water on the stove. "So," Rod started automatically as he washed his hands, "what did you do today?" Nicky didn't look up from his work.

"Well, I got the paper." he laughed. Rod did too. "I stopped by Kapow…"

"Oh? What movie did you watch?" Rod asked, knowingly.

"Ah, we watched some episodes of Star Trek." 

"Well that probably took you all day. Is that all?" Rod asked, sliding a pan of rolls into the oven. 

"Oh, yeah. I picked up the mail. That's when it started raining on me! It hadn't rained the whole rest of the time!" Nicky explained animatedly. Rod just smiled, returning to his seat to resume clipping. 

"Maybe it's a sign."

Nicky gave his friend a strange look, not quite understanding the joke.

"You know, like a bad omen. It must mean we got something horrible in the mail - like a huge bill we weren't expecting or a summons or something."

They both chuckled at that. Nicky grabbed up the stack of post, shuffling through it, flicking the envelopes to Rod like a dealer dealing cards. Rod adjusted his glasses, looking through the mix of junk-mail and bills. He started to open one when Nicky exclaimed - 

"Hey. Here's one for me!" A smile was actually evident in his voice. Rod looked up casually, not thinking anything about it. 

"Oh, that's nice-" but he cut himself short when he saw the envelope in Nicky's hand. He did a double take, slamming his own mail on the table in surprise. He had forgotten entirely that he had done that. He had forgotten the argument and the raised voices from a few days ago in the laundry room. He had forgotten Nicky's heated demand and his own impulsive actions. He had known what Nicky had given him. He had known it was something meant to "hook him up" with his mystery-guy. He hadn't read the content, but the basics were obvious enough from what he gathered from his friend. After their fight, Rod had gone out to cool off. He was flustered and frustrated and his walk took him right past the mail drop box. He had pulled out a pen, written the name, written the address - the stamp was already in place - and he dropped it in before continuing on - grumbling to himself the whole time. 

Rod usually thought things out very carefully but this had been something he'd done in complete frustration and now that he was thinking clearly, now that his feelings weren't hurt, the deed returned. Rod thought back on his comment from a moment ago about the bad omen. And here it was. 

Nicky was unaware of his roommate's inner melt-down. He slid his index finger up under an opening in the flap of the paper and proceeded to tear it open, happily curious as to who might have sent him something. 

Rod was starting to sweat now, trying to decide WHAT he was going to do. He could get up from the table and run away! That would be something! He could catch the kitchen on fire to distract Nicky from what he was doing… He could - he could - uh, uh, UH!!!!!

"NICKY, DON'T OPEN THAT LETTER!!!!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Paper Courage**

An Avenue Q fan fiction

Rod X Nicky

* * *

I don't own the characters. I just came up with the story. Oh, and, everyone should see Avenue Q, or at least buy the CD! It's awesome!

* * *

**~Chapter 11~**

Nicky scarcely had time to look up as Rod lunged at him, tackling him! The chair rocked dangerously for a moment under the tumultuous motion of the struggling men. Rod positioned himself automatically in a straddling position, grabbing futilely for the envelope Nicky kept out of reach as a natural response to the grasping efforts of the smaller man. Losing balance, the chair tipped backward, both occupants hitting the ground hard, but not hard enough to put an end to their shenanigans.

Nicky smiled broadly at Rod's desperate air, still pinned under the red-head. Despite Rod's advantageous position, Nicky's greater strength and reflexes kept his possession of the parcel.

"Give it to me!" Rod grunted.

"Why?" Nicky laughed. "What is it you don't want me to see?" but remembrance struck and the man underneath fell silently shocked. His eyes were wide, mouth agape. Rod seized the opportunity to snatch the letter but made no move to get up. He could see it in his friend's face. He knew. They stayed like that for a while - Rod's face hovering dangerously close to Nicky's.

"Wh-" Nicky started, unsure what he was about to say. He didn't need to finish, though, as Rod cut in frantically.

"I didn't even read the thing! I just put it in the mailbox." His eyes showed his fear. He sat back, opening up the space between them. The weight gone from atop him, Nicky sat up too. Rod clutched the letter protectively to his chest. He made no further move to horde the thing as Nicky reached out slowly and took the letter back.

"Is this for me?" Nicky dared to ask, his heart beating in his chest so hard. Rod closed his eyes, raised his eyebrows, and tried to form some kind of dismissive response. He stuttered over his words which came out as a string of incomplete syllables. He adjusted his glasses, finally finding his voice.

"Nicky, I never even read it. I don't even know what it is."

Opening the letter, not even removing his eyes from the other man, Nicky unfolded the paper and handed it over. "Read it, Rod." He insisted meekly. Those puppy-dog eyes and very un-Nicky-like demeanor made it difficult for him to refuse. Rod took the letter, flicking his wrist to straighten the paper with a crisp, snapping sound. He adjusted his glasses down on his nose to see the print better. He took a moment to skim it over.

"Read it out loud." Nicky requested.

Rod looked up uncertainly. "No." was his quiet response. Nicky's breath hitched in his throat. He was afraid, but Rod was too. "I can't." Rod added in a tiny voice barely above a whisper.

"Is it for me? Did you mean to send it to me?" Nicky asked again, his inflection growing emphatic. He leaned forward, an urgency in his eyes.

"I - I didn't know - " Rod tried to defend, grasping for any excuse to cover his exposed emotions. It was true. He hadn't read the letter before, but it was a lie that he hadn't suspected the content. Sure he had sent the letter, but he hadn't thought about the consequences. How he wished he could go back in time and undo the various events that had led them to this uncomfortable moment. Blushing profusely, Rod stood, ducking himself into the bathroom and locking himself in. The note was left behind, crinkled on the floor.

The sound of Rod hyperventilating for a moment preceded the sound of the shower turning on. Nicky grabbed the letter and pressed himself up against the door. He checked the knob. Locked.

"Rod! Let me in! We gotta talk!" There was a pleading tone to his voice as he rested his forehead against the wooden barrier.

"Go away, Nicky!" the voice called from within. The splashing sound of water signified the shower running into the filling tub.

It was one of Rod's many methods of escapism. He'd just sit there, letting the water pour down around him. The loud noise of the splashing torrent helped drown out the world around him and kept him from thinking about things too deeply. The heat relaxed him, the steam blinded him. It was like he could not exist for a little while and that's what he wanted to do more than anything right now. He didn't think any further beyond that.

Nicky's muffled voice called to him a few more times. Rod remained silent and tried to ignore him. The scratching sound at the door went unnoticed until it swung open. Nicky stood there, an unbent paper-clip in his hand. Rod's first reaction was to shriek - which he did - and his second was to try to cover himself. Having nothing substantial handy, he grabbed a washcloth and slapped it on the surface of the water, letting it float just above his private parts.

"Nicholas! You can't be in here!" he shouted, trying to reach for the shower-curtain that was just out of his reach.

"Oh, you don't have anything I haven't seen before." Nicky remarked, rolling his eyes. He closed the lid on the toilet and took a seat. Rod groused, facing forward, the shower still pouring water over him. He stared blankly into the tub, keeping his eyes off of the intruder.

"We need to talk about this, Rod. I want to talk about this." Nicky shook the letter a couple of times to emphasize his point. His roommate continued to act like he was ignoring him but Nicky went on. "You knew what I had given you, right? You knew I wrote out a confession letter, right?" Rod continued to stay silent. "And I told you to mail it to that mystery guy you like. And you mailed it to me!"

Rod slowly dropped his head to his knees as he clutched them close to his chest. This was torture. It had to be some kind of torture. What horrible thing had he done in a past life that would lead to so much suffering in this one? Nicky leaned forward far enough to tap Rod's shoulder with the paper a couple of times.

"Read it to me." Nicky requested over the sound of running water.

"No, Nicky! Go away!" came Rod's perturbed yet muffled reply, his face still buried squarely in his raised knees.

"Then I'll read it to you!" Nicky's response came out defiantly. "They're my words anyway." he cleared his throat, preparing for his spiel. "I thought very hard about what to say in this letter. I wanted to mention your good looks, I wanted to fawn over your sense of humor, and I wanted to smother you in a list of 'sweet-nothings.' But in the end it all sounded a little contrived and cliché. It was then that I realized why I love you." He paused, looking at the other man who seemed to bury his face further. "I see you every day. We sit together, talk together, sometimes even laugh together. These are little things that may seem unimportant. But to me, they mean the world." He looked to his friend who still did not look up, didn't move, just stayed closed up.

There was a long moment of speechlessness between both men. The humid atmosphere of the small bathroom made the air heavy, lending to the already difficult time they both had breathing - the root of which was anxiety. Nicky's face took on a determined expression. He stood up, throwing off his pajama top and bottoms, leaving him only in a pair of dark blue boxers. Rod hadn't even noticed until he felt the water level rise significantly. The splashing sound of water running over the edge of the tub is what really brought the red-haired man out of his shell, jerking his head up in terror and surprise.

Nicky reached behind him, pulling the plug to drain out some of the water. Rod scrambled back as far as he could in the basin which was probably too small for two adult men to occupy simultaneously.

"Nicholas! Wh-wh-what are you doing?" Rod eeped, his eyes as wide as they could possibly get. Nicky leaned forward, getting on his hands and knees, the shower running over his head and back, weighing his hair down against his scalp and into his eyes.

"That was my confession, Rod. I wrote it from in here." Nicky gestured to his chest as he continued to invade his friend's space. "I wrote it for you, but I also wrote it about you. Ya know?"

"Nicky, I…" Rod's voice was soft and quiet, unsure if he should even be allowing himself to believe it could be real.

"Cut me some slack, buddy. I've never done this before." Nicky half warned with a nervous smile as he pushed himself the rest of the way forward, pressing his mouth against Rod's. Their lips were slippery from the water. Nicky tilted his head slightly, introducing his tongue into the mix. Rod's eyes slipped closed as he accepted the kiss and returned it in kind. He mewed a soft sound into Nicky's mouth and the instigator continued to move forward until his whole body was pressed against the others. More water sloshed over the edge into the floor but neither paid it any mind.

Nicky had never kissed another guy before. He had scarcely even thought of doing so, but as he hungrily claimed the other man, it felt so natural - it almost felt like something he should have been doing all along. He loved him. He loved Rod and now he realized it.

"Oh, Nicholas." Rod moaned in a tiny voice. He had his arms straight under him, supporting him in his seated position - holding his own weight and Nicky's. He slowly lowered himself until he was leaning against the back of the bath.

Nicky took his right hand, sliding it gently behind his friend's head, pillowing it. He took his other hand and wrapped it behind his back, holding him close. So tight pressed were they, that when Rod's body began to react, Nicky felt it immediately. The hardness nudged against Nick's groin in a futile attempt to stand in such a confined space caused him to shudder in that good kind of way where electricity seems to jolt up and down one's body. The very idea that he was eliciting this response in the other man, that his actions caused his friend's body to come alive in such a way - well, it was almost too much. Nicky's own erection began to form and suddenly their make-out session was less about seeing what it would be like and became more about pleasuring the other.

"Holy fuck, Rod." Nicky whispered impassioned as he began to kiss furiously down the other man's jaw and sucking on the warm flesh of his neck. The water level was rising fast and if they were still, it didn't spill over, but every movement drenched the floor even more. Nicky sat up, panting, pulling the plug behind him and turning off the water. "Can we move this to the room?"

Rod nodded wordlessly. Nicky got out first, picking a towel from the rack on the wall and drying himself off quickly, albeit incompletely. He stripped out of his sopping wet underwear and tied the terry-cloth around his waist. He handed a second towel to his roommate who did about the same - drying himself hurriedly and wrapping it around his waist. The black-haired man didn't wait for Rod to get out of the tub, instead grabbing the smaller man up in his arms. He proceeded to carry him into the adjoining bedroom, flopping Rod onto the bed and crawling predatorily over him. The red-head accepted the domination eagerly as the barrage of fervent kisses.

Rod couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe any of this was happening! But it was! The culmination of a life-time of fantasies was transpiring right here, right now. Shy, conservative Rod was giving himself over fully to man of his dreams - a man who had professed his straightness as long as he'd known him! And here that man was, running his tongue sensually between his lips, across the roof of his mouth, and brushing past his own tongue! He tasted amazing, he felt even better. His roommate's hands roved over Rod's body, up and down his bare, hairless chest, nails scratching down his sides, and hands moving up to cup his face as Nicky sucked tenderly on his lips.

Rod moaned and mewed. He'd never felt like this before and had never imagined he ever would. He took his own hands and ran his fingers through Nicky's wet, black hair. His panting breaths took him away from his lover's mouth as he turned, gasping. His body was heated and excited.

"I'm going to give this a try." Nicky whispered, pecking Rod on the cheek before removing himself almost entirely, sliding down to the foot of the bed. He made himself comfortable on his knees and Rod hadn't even had time to comprehend what was happening when the hot, wet sensation on his erection caused reality to shatter, sending him hurdling into a pool of pure bliss. It was clumsy, awkward, but still exactly right. Rod's moans grew louder, taking on a dissonant chord as Nicky sucked hard, bobbing his head in an unsteady rhythm.

"Nnn - Nnn" Rod tried to say after a while but the warning went without being understood or heeded. His ecstasy washed over him and he in a final tidal wave which pushed him over the edge. It was so much fuller an experience coming from the loving manipulations of his best friend. The sudden release caught Nicky off guard and he pulled his mouth away but still maintained a firm grip on the member. The mess got all over but Nicky ignored it, moving back up over the trembling man, running his teeth up the other's torso and biting at areas of soft flesh here and there.

"Can I?" Nicky asked softly in a throaty, husky growl, grinding his pelvis firmly against Rod's.

"Please do." Rod replied breathlessly, his voice almost sounding pained through the veil of complete fulfillment.

Nicky's mind raced and swirled at what he was doing - what he was about to do. Though it would have been an easier position, he figured, to turn his friend over and take him from behind, he wanted to see his face, he wanted to hold him and kiss him and experience him. This was their first time with each other. He wanted it all. He took Rod's slender legs, nuzzling one lovingly before draping them both over his shoulders, positioning himself for entry.

Nicky ran his hand along the other's thigh to just below the hip-bone, settling his hand over one of the many sensitive body parts. He squeezed his thumb into the skin a little, taking his other hand to guide his phallus gently into his lover. Rod squeaked and moaned. His breathing was fast and shallow as Nicky pulled back, only to push back in again.

Nicky bit his lip and squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. A look of concentration clouded his features as he repeated the slow and steady motion, building a rhythm and his own confidence. He couldn't stop now, he couldn't hold back. His thrusts became faster, harder. He gripped Rod by the hips, pulling him into him simultaneous to his forward thrust.

The deep penetration hit nature's little irony - the pleasure point deep inside the man that nothing short of the delicious bludgeoning from a rock-hard cock could possibly bring to complete fruition. And it did just that. Nicky shuddered, crying out as he doubled over, grasping Rod around the back and hugging him close, grunting into his lover's chest as he came hard, deep inside the other. The final deep, lasting stab set Rod off too. He grasped at his best friend, hugging his head tightly as he growled through a second orgasm.

Tumbling gently from their clouds of euphoria, Nicky pulled out, lunging himself back onto his partner, hugging him close and peppering him with kisses as if he could never get enough. Rod tried to return the favor as best as he could but he was dazed and winded. Still too enthralled to fully comprehend the awesome scope of things, Rod managed to choke out:

"Nicky, I love you so much. I've always loved you."

"I love you too, Rod. I just never knew how much." Nicky said, his mouth still buried against the other's skin. He grew serious, raising himself up, supporting himself with his elbows. He wedged his hands underneath the red-haired man who was still laying back on the bed. "You're everything to me, Rod, buddy. You're my world. I need you. I had never really pictured things turning out like this, but - but it just feels so much like it's the way it's supposed to be. I can't imagine life without you."

"I've wanted to tell you how I felt for so long." Rod replied, looking deeply into Nicky's hazel eyes as the other pulled his hand up to brush the tips of his fingers gently through Rod's short, orange hair. "I just didn't want to drive you away. You've always been the only one I've wanted. You're the love of my life."

The two gazed peacefully at each other, enjoying one another's contact. Suddenly Rod's eyes widened as reality set back in, encroaching on his peace of mind as he sat upright suddenly.

"I left the stove and oven on!" His voice was shrill and frantic. Nicky chuckled slightly to himself, tenderly bringing his hand up to Rod's face, smoothing his thumb gently over Rod's lips.

"I turned them off before I unlocked the bathroom door." Nicky reassured softly, putting his forehead against Rod's.

"Now what are we going to do about dinner?" he asked, not looking forward to getting back in the kitchen and resuming his cooking.

"I'll call for pizza." Nicky said, smiling.

"Aw. You take care of me." Rod nuzzled his nose against his partner's.

"I guess we take care of each other." Nicky replied, placing a small kiss at the corner of Rod's mouth and enjoying the new-found familiarity between them that far surpassed what they ever shared before.

"Mmm," Rod uttered softly, gliding his fingers behind Nicky's head, plowing through the thick, black hair and drawing him firmly to himself for a deep and passionate kiss. He pulled away breathlessly. " I wouldn't want it any other way."

--

_THE END 3_


End file.
